Jottings are the scattered pieces of my thoughts that suddenly beat up my heart.
I view jottings as the flowing pieces of thoughts,
like an impressive diary,
which can be either
marginal
or concentrated.
"First snow after countless days"（originally written in Chinese）
Great cold, clouds linger, prolonged gloom,
Wild geese alight on snow-covered branches,
Crimson eaves are soaked with water, tears suppressed,
Tall trees reach towards the distant, bright sun.
2026/1/20 Snow
Elves
In ancient Greece, at a Dionysian banquet, a wine-serving genie, driven by greed, sneaked into the wine cellar and stole a bottle of fine wine. On his way, he overheard two other genies plotting to empty the basement. He reported their plan to the divine court, but days later it was revealed that the so-called 'emptying' was merely to help Dionysus move. The genie, for his arrogance, was punished and made the genie of "sin"—Todan—given eyes that could see all evil in people's hearts, tasked with correcting moral errors year after year, day after day, until he saw good.
Years later, he encountered a prisoner in chains escaping from Athens. He glanced at the prisoner and saw evil surrounding him. He went to learn the prisoner's story. It turned out the prisoner was being judged for infidelity and having relations with a Persian, and he was fleeing in the direction of Persia. Therefore, Todan stopped the prisoner and punished him. However, the pursuers behind the prisoner were equally relentless, so Todan used all his speed.
Just as Todan caught up with the prisoner, they reached the broken bridge; beyond it lay Persia. At that moment, he saw another elf appear beside him, helping the prisoner blow the wind towards his lover. He immediately stopped her and told her:
"Oh, dear little elven, you know too little; he is a sinner. You must not let him pass."
"Oh, this pessimistic elven, you see too deeply; he is still a good lover. Please let him pass."
"Dear little elven, if I were you, I would certainly not let him pass. You will be punished for it."
"Oh, then let them bring down the punishment."
Several days later, in the court of the gods, the little elven was also sentenced for "pride," but instead of being given eyes to see evil, she was stripped of the goodness hidden in the words of praise for her beauty from all the elven except for true love. As she left the courtroom, she greeted Todan, saying:
"Oh, the pessimistic elf, please see human nature clearly. We choose to accept the evil in human nature, just as its equal good yearns to be treated equally. Therefore, instead of exposing it so openly, let us praise the good that coexists with it."
2025/12/13 Dedicated to the little elf.
"Apple"
The apple was rotting when a gust of wind swept it away, leaving it to rot in the mud.
The apple was rotting, and every moment before it hit the ground, a hanging blade was blocking its throat. A gust of wind swept it away, so it rotted in the mud.
The apple was rotting, and every moment before it hit the ground, a hanging blade blocked its throat. Then, a gust of wind shook it, scooped it up, and dropped it again. So, it rotted in the mud, its core exposed to the wind.
2024/10/18 Written in TOK class
"Winter Night"
If you find winter nights too monotonous, look up at the pale red, deep blue, and exquisite purple of the sky. If you find them too dull, go home and turn the tap to the opposite extreme. After that... A heartfelt ecstasy
2025/12/14 Winter night roaming
Untitled
When you're on your way home alone after watching a movie, on the last train at 11:30 PM, not in any particular hurry, leaning your head against the window, feeling the vibrations of the train car, your clothes casually scattered on the empty seats, the empty carriage brightly lit, listening to the broadcast repeatedly announcing the station names, the doors opening and closing with three beeping sounds, thinking about tomorrow—at that moment, the person you're thinking of is probably the one you love.
2026/1/10 Suzhou metro line 11 after watching "Avatar 3"
"Winter Night"
If you find winter nights too monotonous, look up at the pale red, deep blue, and exquisite purple of the sky. If you find them too dull, go home and turn the tap to the opposite extreme. After that... A heartfelt ecstasy
2025/12/14 Winter night roaming
Untitled
The lonely man climbed to the top of the mountain and said to the people: Since I am so kind, why do you ask anything from me?
2025/3/9 Written in the Suzhou metro line 11
Untitled
A person can't be blindly kind to someone he knows nothing about. If he could, he would likely also commit crimes against someone he knew nothing about.
2024/4/12 Dawn in Kangqiao's moat
"Shut up and Feel!"
Shut up and feel!
2023/12/31 dim light, alone
Untitled
How come freedom, this cheap luxury, has become escaping rather than creating?
2023/12/14 Afterschool
"Day sixteen"
Day sixteen. After business management class, after a brief encounter, I put on my headphones and was startled by the incredibly smooth and delicate guitar slide – it must be Chuck Berry, a singer I'd only recently met. So, with the idea of getting my thermal leggings firmly in mind, I strolled slowly towards the dorms. At the sundial, I ran into my homeroom teacher, who looked quite familiar, but he couldn't remember my name, and neither could I remember his. After I introduced myself, he agreed to swipe his card to let me upstairs. On the way back to the classroom to get my gym bag, I ran into Mr. Po, who teased me again. We said goodbye without much feeling and went our separate ways. In the classroom, my good teammate from the school team wouldn't lend me a ball. Oh well, I thought. I went to the sports field with a strange sense of confidence. Wow! The temperature felt like ten degrees Celsius, a light drizzle was falling on my down jacket, and strong gusts of wind were pushing me along. I closed my eyes, wow! This is the green field of North London, haha! I ran and ran, breathing, running, breathing, breathing again... Hahaha, the wild expanse and low sky, this is the unrestrained color of the rainy day. And so, an hour passed. I left. Oh, by the way, I found a school team ball under a tree. My socks were wet, so I needed to go back to the dorms, preferably take a hot shower, and then go to dinner at 5:45. I waited for several teachers, but they wouldn't swipe their cards for me. So, with a certain idea in mind, I went to the second floor. Oh, I could press the button! The elevator arrived, and oh, I could go up to the eighth floor. At some point in the shower, I admired my rising and falling chest and thought of that saying, "Rules are dead, people are alive," and it seemed that in the story I was just living, I was truly alive. I also thought that freedom isn't necessarily a positive word, although I don't intend to go back and delete my rhetoric, so it's best to clarify, because freedom means the inevitable confusion after the system is shattered. I poured myself a hundred milliliters of chilled nine-degree Riesling. Tsk. C'est la vie!
2025/1/19 Cloudy
"Justice"
The birth of a word is due to the emergence of some phenomena that are in the opposite position to the word.
2024/2/9
Untitled
The meaning of life is to give us the power to choose how to die.
2024/2/12
Untitled
I hope that one day, I can hold a bunch of flowers, not because their language is meaningful, but because I still have endless words to say.
2024/2/20
Untitled
Isn't life just about those few moments? No, life is about creating more of those moments.
2024/2/21 after watching Dead Poets Society
"Maturity"
Maturity is abandoning the bad habits of youth, so justice is maturity, honesty is maturity, and being at ease is even more maturity.
2024/3/7 Cycling near the Huangpu river
"Coincidence"
My life is a huge coincidence. My birth is a coincidence. My going to school here is a coincidence. Meeting her is a coincidence. My looking at her for that extra moment is a coincidence. My throbbing feelings for her are another coincidence. Every coincidence is linked together to form an inevitable event: I must like you.
2024/10/28
"Love"
The essence of love is to express one's soul to another person without reservation. Thus, love is both heavy and light.
2024/10/28
"Like and Love"
Love is a selfish emotion. It involves complete and unconditional devotion to one's partner, with corresponding responsibilities. Love demands a return, and resolute giving is always intended to earn a return of love or some other kind of reward.
Liking, on the other hand, is different. Liking isn't based on a desire for reward; it's a one-sided act of giving, even if it's not as much as love itself. Therefore, liking is an emotional sustenance, and I believe my feelings for her are unrequited. I'm not so concerned with whether she accepts me, likes me, or whether we can be together. I like her.
2024/11/1 Staring
"Clowns"
Clowns take pleasure in the laughter of their audience because they are laughing at someone who takes pleasure in their own outrage.
2025/2/27
"Dream"
Never laugh at a person's dream because once it is lost, it cannot be found again.
2025/4/14
"Old cow"
I used to think that everyone around me was a fool, someone who didn’t understand why they were alive, and among them, I was no more than a tied old cow.
2025/4/20
"The only faint morning light"
No, no, don't draw the curtains. We can doubt and refuse to accept everything, but we should not isolate the only faint morning light.
2025/4/26 An usual morning
Camera
That’s right. Values can never be criticized or commented on. Everyone’s uniqueness should never be erased. This is why I picked up the camera.
2025/5/5
"Wind"
I like the wind, because the human soul is most similar to it. It moves without words and seems visible when I dance with it, but invisible when it is quiet and peaceful.
2025/5/11
Untitled
I doubt and even oppose all dogmas, outlines, and all statements that interpret the unknown as claims, reserving the final right of interpretation for all terms. I lament those who lack impulse and emotion, for in this world of nothingness, lacking the only strategy for dealing with nothingness, one will live day by day like a year.
2025/5/13
Untitled
That memory seems dead.
2025/5/13
Untitled
It seems that only distance can make us know each other.
2025/6/24
"Moonlight"
I saw the moonlight again, and before I could even say hello, the thunder and wind swirled, stirring my heart. You clearly shouldn't have come out on a cloudy day, just like I waited in the dark, even though I knew it was impossible. No, I needed to chase you, so I rode my electric scooter towards the river, my singing drowning out the hawking in the streets as I headed south, towards the moon...
2025/8/1
"Express"
Everyone is an expresser, every life is an expression
2025/8/2
"Loneliness"
Loneliness. Loneliness is like a cradle without companionship, while loneliness is like an old, helpless person. Yet both share an essential commonality: they must rely on others to achieve what most adults can do on their own. No one can escape true loneliness; on the contrary, it can be embraced and even utilized. When discussing group relationships, loneliness isn't confined to space or time; rather, it represents the gap between individuals and groups. This gap arises from the unequal nature of individual human thought. Whenever such a gap emerges, it must coexist with the response of another thought. Therefore, with the emergence of a group, loneliness inevitably arises. With gaps comes loneliness, but the emergence of affection can bridge them, easing the disparity between two souls. This is not through understanding, but through ignoring, or perhaps even merging. Two different minds, regardless of any reason, naturally have no possibility of convergence. However, they can choose to occupy and merge. When one mind ceases to confront the other, or when one mind takes an unjustified offensive, the gap naturally disappears.
2025/8/3
"One day morning"
This morning, I went out to photograph the sunrise at 6:00. For some reason, I woke up at 4:30 and wandered downstairs, not knowing where to go. As I walked around, my stomach started growling. Eating breakfast at 4:50 wasn't unusual. Then the owner's voice rang out, "What would you like?" They had meat buns, vegetable buns, and so on. About the seventh or eighth variety, I said, "Two meat buns, please." He asked, "Are two enough?" I had no idea how big the buns were, but "Yes, it's enough for one person."
Just as I was pulling out my phone to pay, two young men about my age, riding similar-sized electric scooters, arrived at the breakfast shop. The owner, who was eating, enthusiastically asked what they wanted. They seemed even more hesitant than I was. Even this morning, it was cold, so I needed a down jacket. They appeared even pickier than I was, asking the boss if they wanted the meat or just the buns. Of course, the boss couldn't sell them that much, for the sake of business. Then one of them said to another, "I miss those days back then, don't you? School days are always the best, aren't they? It seems only then can we call them our prime." While I was half asleep, the boss started arguing with them, saying something like "Cousin, cousin" in what sounded like a dialect. As they chatted, the man in black, who was even thinner, suddenly said, "I miss my mom so much." The man in the white down jacket didn't say anything. It was as if they grew quieter, the night darkened, and we seemed even further apart.
2025/8/5 5:13 a.m.
"Loneliness and freedom"
Loneliness is a means of pursuing freedom. As Nietzsche said, if a person claims freedom, the way to escape their chains is not to break them or transcend them, but to create within them a key, an axe, a spark that can consume everything. The path to freedom from the chains is to make, to create a being more powerful than the chains. Returning to loneliness, we call it loneliness because it is a separation from everything, including humanity, morality, and values. Loneliness can never be an antonym or even a neutral word; it leads people to self-reflection and inquiries within. When people achieve solitude, they are free from the constraints of any label. They are naturally at ease. They no longer care about the philosopher's favorite question, "Why?" They do not think twice before acting, but act, accepting the superficial meaning of "do" and "don't do."
2025/8/6